Musing is crucial so make it funny


June 2016

Crotch Fulla Jorts #2


Comedian, equestrian, jort enthusiast, Ian Abramson says neigh to cuffs in favor of visible factory hemlines. 


The denim pants last dance

long legs ripped and shredded

cotton blended with sweat and acrylic

taken to the limit

tattered edges

collapsed seams

not all hope is lost

funnel the hem

do it again

funnel the hem

from the dyed indigo embers



they are reformed

snipped and tucked

cuffed and stuffed


Comedian and contributor, Ian Abramson, is an inventive and spontaneous entertainer whose antics don’t just settle on traditional stand-up but incorporate elements of vaudeville. His well documented theatrics involve such outrageous acts as putting a fellow comedian on trial for “bombing”, or, as it’s colloquially known in the Baltimore comedy scene “Eating a dick”. Abramson is also the creator and host of, Seven Minutes in Purgatory, an event where comedians do a seven minute stand-up set in a sound proof booth, while a live audience listens,sequestered, on the other side. Abramson recently married his comedy career in a public ceremony and used his honeymoon to embark on a national tour which has him stopping off here in Baltimore for two engagements on June 30th.

You married your comedy career. Who signed the prenup?

I did. If we divorce, I get nothing.

How old were you when you first stopped ironing your clothes?

I was 23 and my arms were tired from non stop ironing for 23 years.

If a mirror looks into a mirror, what is there to see?

This is how diamonds are made.

Do you eat in buffets, and if so, what is the best buffet strategy?

A good defense is the best offense.

The’s been an inconceivable amount of deaths so far this year. Who are some people you are surprised are still alive in 2016?

I’m surprised that the spirit of giving is still alive.

Have you been to Baltimore before? What would you tell a stranger about this city. If not, what mysteries of The Greatest City In America are you looking to unlock?

I have not. I’m hoping to find out what B.A.L.T.I.M.O.R.E. stands for.

Thoughts on jorts?

If you want my jorts you can pry them from my cold clammy legs.

Ian Abramson can be see performing on Thursday June 30th at Wings & One Liners hosted by Mike Smith and featuring the DMV’s best comics at Camden Pub 647 W. Pratt st. Baltimore, MD 21201 8 p.m.


Crotch Fulla Jorts #1


jorts #1

Melissa LaMartina, center, wearing her award winning jorts at Ottobar in Baltimore, MD 2549 N.Howard St. 21218 for Wet Hot American Summer theme party and costume contest. 

The jean short or “jort” was a revolutionary style of denim fashion ushered in by the 70’s era youth culture. Originally worn by burn-outs and hippies, the look was considered counter-cultural until it broke into the mainstream a few years later thanks, in part, to Catherine Bach, the actress who played Daisy Duke on the popular sit-com The Dukes of Hazzard.

Melissa LaMartina, star of Baltimore Rock Opera Society’s seventh full length original production, Amphion, plays Nasreen, a young lady betrothed to a man she despises while in love with the play’s titular character. LaMartina brings a ferocious zeal to the part and a soaring soprano akin to that of Heart chanteuse, Ann Wilson. She also has the best jorts in the business. That business, of course, being Maryland show business.

 You just won a jorts contest, can you tell us what you did to prepare for the contest?

I wore jorts that already had good vibes attached to them, since I wore them to shoot a role, my role in Camp Killer, which was a really fun experience. I was more concerned about dressing to fit the event and considered it a great success when I was told I looked like I should be one of the hippies in I Drink Your Blood. I wasn’t expecting to be a finalist in the contest, but I relied on my sick dance moves and jort-rolling abilities to cinch the victory.

Which is best, store bought or handmade jorts?

Handmade, no question.

Would your character in Amphion, Nasreen, wear jorts to the festival if she could, and if so, what would they look like?

I actually was recently saying to someone that Nasreen should wear hot pants like one of the dancers after her sexual and emotional liberation! Sadly, though, I think Nasreen would never even consider jorts a viable option for her. If she could wear them, though, they’d probably be covered in jewels.

Amphion, the newest original rock opera produced by the Baltimore Rock Opera Society is running its final weekend June 23-26 8p.m. Zion Lutheran Church 400 e. Lexington st. tickets can be purchased at this link:  



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