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Comedian, equestrian, jort enthusiast, Ian Abramson says neigh to cuffs in favor of visible factory hemlines. 

JORTS: A POEM

The denim pants last dance

long legs ripped and shredded

cotton blended with sweat and acrylic

taken to the limit

tattered edges

collapsed seams

not all hope is lost

funnel the hem

do it again

funnel the hem

from the dyed indigo embers

smaller

mightier

they are reformed

snipped and tucked

cuffed and stuffed

-Micsmif

Comedian and Onion.com contributor, Ian Abramson, is an inventive and spontaneous entertainer whose antics don’t just settle on traditional stand-up but incorporate elements of vaudeville. His well documented theatrics involve such outrageous acts as putting a fellow comedian on trial for “bombing”, or, as it’s colloquially known in the Baltimore comedy scene “Eating a dick”. Abramson is also the creator and host of, Seven Minutes in Purgatory, an event where comedians do a seven minute stand-up set in a sound proof booth, while a live audience listens,sequestered, on the other side. Abramson recently married his comedy career in a public ceremony and used his honeymoon to embark on a national tour which has him stopping off here in Baltimore for two engagements on June 30th.

You married your comedy career. Who signed the prenup?

I did. If we divorce, I get nothing.

How old were you when you first stopped ironing your clothes?

I was 23 and my arms were tired from non stop ironing for 23 years.

If a mirror looks into a mirror, what is there to see?

This is how diamonds are made.

Do you eat in buffets, and if so, what is the best buffet strategy?

A good defense is the best offense.

The’s been an inconceivable amount of deaths so far this year. Who are some people you are surprised are still alive in 2016?

I’m surprised that the spirit of giving is still alive.

Have you been to Baltimore before? What would you tell a stranger about this city. If not, what mysteries of The Greatest City In America are you looking to unlock?

I have not. I’m hoping to find out what B.A.L.T.I.M.O.R.E. stands for.

Thoughts on jorts?

If you want my jorts you can pry them from my cold clammy legs.

Ian Abramson can be see performing on Thursday June 30th at Wings & One Liners hosted by Mike Smith and featuring the DMV’s best comics at Camden Pub 647 W. Pratt st. Baltimore, MD 21201 8 p.m. https://www.facebook.com/events/1122387101166279/

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