“I loathe narcissism,

but I approve of vanity.”

Diana Vreeland

There’s this new trend of internet rappers leading women around on leashes in Snap Chat and World Star Videos. It usually has some snazzy title like “#rapperwithtwowhitebitchesonaleash”. I’ve seen a few of these videos, and I gotta tell you, this is some 2016 shit I just can not get behind, or in front of. It’s a level of intimacy I’m not comfortable with. You can’t follow me around on a leash, lady, I need my gawd damn space.

Dave K. is a dude that I’m pretty sure is Daniel Day-Lewis in disguise. He’s an accomplished writer and pun philosopher. I met Dave through The Baltimore Rock Opera Society, a DIY theater company that write and produce their own original rock operas. Dave K. was charged with punching up the script for their Summer ’16  production, Amphion, a show the BROS produced once before in 2011. Dave was able to add much needed humor and emotional depth to a heady script that did not have a storybook ending nor a protagonist with all her limbs. Should you put a leash on a hash tag white bitch if she doesn’t have any legs? If you put a hashtag white bitch on a leash are you then responsible for curbing said hashtag white bitch? Didn’t a whole bunch of people fight and die so we no longer have to clean up behind hash tag white bitches? I’m convinced World Star is why Hollywood still makes slave movies.


Dave K. sightseeing in shades with cigar, souvenir, and custom jorts.

What pairs best with jorts?

What pairs best with jorts, I think, is the humbling awareness that you are wearing something that was cut from a once-larger piece of clothing. That and low-top sneakers with ankle socks.

You were instrumental in rewriting Amphion and giving it a lot of its style and humor. What or who influences your writing? Have you written for BROS or any other company before?

I was on the script teams for BROS’ 2014 productions of Grundlehammer and The Electric Pharaoh, and I’ve done some script work with Yellow Sign Theatre, but Amphion was the most I’ve ever singlehandedly written for the stage. I generally write fiction, and my influences are pretty widespread: Ander Monson, Lorraine Hansberry, Michael Ondaatje, August Wilson, Philip K. Dick, Claudia Rankine, Edward Mullany. I could go on forever. Also, Baltimore has a lot of good writers in the community, and they inspire me as well.

Can you tell us a time when wearing jorts made you feel like you were changing the world?

I did my part for jorts by wearing them as a teenager during the mid-1990s, when jorts were absolutely not considered good or cool to wear. It warmed my little cynicism-deadened heart to see them come back into fashion recently. I don’t know if I changed the world exactly, but by wearing jorts against the tide of popular opinion, I kept them relevant in my little pocket of existence.

What’s next for Dave K.?

I have a bunch of fiction projects in the works, as well as a novella in the hands of a local publisher; hopefully that will be coming out later this year, or early next year. I’ll probably be in that BROS documentary somewhere, since I was unemployed when they began filming and thus heavily involved in renovating HQ/building Murdercastle.