Musing is crucial so make it funny


stand up comedy

Crotch Fulla Jorts #13 (Reaching levels no elevator ever will)

Photo on 4-6-12 at 1.40 PM
Cats may have 9 lives but jorts are forever.


“Well, these jeans are shot;

let’s give em another pass!”

-Brandon T. Gorin

I do stand up comedy. I host open mics and trivia shows. I’m a theater actor and I just featured in an online commercial for Blunt Power Air Freshener. Some people call me a renaissance man while most people think I post too many fliers on Facebook. When you do this much performance work people always want to know why you do it and what your end goal is. Up until a few weeks ago, my only reason for doing all this work was because without it, I’d be home everyday, after work, in bed by 4:30p.m. That was until I discovered the Viceland show, Flophouse. It’s stand up comedy in some of the most gruesome, filthy, dilapidated houses, on the west coast. A lot of the houses are huge estates which domicile up and coming comedians, many of whom perform on the docu-series. I love the crust punk aesthetic in combination with the intimacy and warmth of a captive audience in graffitied dining rooms and former chapels, facing a stage which might be dressed with a urine stained mattress, emblazoned with a giant spurting penis. One of the featured comic was a homeless alcoholic for two years, telling jokes on the street and drawing portraits, before he saved enough cash to move into a tiny $200 a month closet, in a bay area mansion occupied by as least fifteen other stand-ups and musicians. I don’t want to get gout while I’m chasing my dreams, but I’d risk it to be on the next season of Flophouse.

Eric Dadourian is a Baltimore comedian by way of L.A. who has the distinction of being the only comedian featured on two episodes of Flophouse. Eric is affable with a conversational style of wit that is both engaging and guileless. Five months ago, he told a one liner about getting kicked out of a library because his sweater was too loud that I think about and laugh at every ten days. When I first met Eric he was wearing faded cut off jorts, a vintage Lakers Starter jacket, and a pair of oversized glasses with one arm missing. I figured he would be either very funny or the star of his own Viceland show. Either way I was pretty spot on. Shout out to me!

What makes jorts more special than non denim shorts? 

First of all, jorts are more special than non denim shorts because jorts seem more improvised, more radical yet classic, and the little fringe that is created by the denim makes it seem so spontaneous. Non denim shorts do not have spontaneity.

How do we make a world where we can casually wear jorts to formal events?

A world where we can casually wear jorts to formal events is based on trust and acceptance. Those who do not wear jorts to formal events must trust those who do and know that wearing jorts to your formal event is the ultimate tribute.

Who is your jort Champion of Courage? 

One person I look up to, in jorts, is my cousin, Glen. He is a very snappy dresser and he will throw on his jorts and stride into our family gatherings like beam of sun, and he just lights the place up with his great outfits that always showcase the most very cool jorts.

When was a time where wearing jorts made you feel special?

I remember there was this one time when I hit the road, as a youth, on Greyhound bus, going on cross country road trip. I was wearing nothing but a crop top and low riding jorts (no underwear), and I just felt like a snack and a powerful prince at the same time.

What accessory pairs best with jorts? 

A crop top. Crop top and jorts are the burger and fries of fashion.

Eric has a wonderful podcast up on spotify and itunes called Groomzillas, its about weddings. 




Crotch Fulla Jorts #12 (the denim dozen)

jason weems pic 3
When Comedian Jason Weems isn’t holding down the laughter he’s holding up the wall.

“It’s hard to appreciate new things

if you don’t have the proper outfit to wear”

-John Waters

From the film Pecker

Did I miss an NAACP meeting where we as a people decided we’re all going to buy Bluetooth speakers and start playing urban music, from the past half century, everywhere we are, as loud as possible? Because that was a meeting I shouldn’t have missed. I love my people. Our zest for life, and our uncanny ability to make every moment our moment, for better or worse, is the true glory of being Black. But, for reals, doe, I don’t want to hear your Kirk Franklin remix of the latest inscrutable Young Thug SoundCloud hit, on a bus stop. Also, if I want to hear the Temptations Psychedelic Shack bully its way through a cheap speaker, I’ll just hang out in a Goodwill or listen to it privately through my Bluetooth earbuds. I have the Temptations greatest hits on Spotify because I’m about 40 years old and when you’re about 40 years old, you casually listen to The Temptations. Another thing I don’t want to be a party to: listening to you rap along to your wack ass demo. Unless, of course, your demo got a feature from my mans J. Weems a.k.a The Beige Power Ranger. Dude is dangerously funny. He had a woman legit laughing in tears then flat out convulsions. Weems so funny God tried to call him home early for an ethereal comedy jam. I think the big eye in the sky wanted Weems to open for Richard Pryor. But no, God, NO! We need Weems here to make more movies, dispense more good ass jokes, and most importantly to talk about jorts!

When was the last time you wore jorts and what were you doing in them?

The last time I wore jorts was probably around the time Menace II Society dropped, and I was most likely running from a loose neighborhood dog. I ran from hella dogs in 1993.

Who are some jean short idols of yours?

All of Jodeci and H-Town. Listen to their music and you’ll understand why.

Which are better, store bought jorts or homemade jorts? 

I’m gonna check the homemade box. That way you get a 2 for 1. You start with jeans and cut them when you’re good and damn well ready.

How would you instruct a noob on how to make jorts? 

Slide them jeans on, mark your cutting point & go to MF’ing work. But be sure to take them back off first. I’ve seen many men bleed out right before my eyes like this.

How are jean short jumpers from the 90’s different from the man romper craze that touched the culture earlier this summer? 

Jean short jumpers were still worn and embraced by the hip-hop community, while man rompers will get you shot on site. Most likely by the hip-hop community.

Where do you see the future of jorts?

I’m not sure but I know that Kanye and possibly Lil Yachty will be leading the charge.

jason weems pic 1

You travel a lot for comedy. Which city has the most jort credibility? 

Charlotte, NC. Why do you think Cam Newton is down there? It ain’t for fuckin’ football.

Which city should just say no to jorts?

Juneau, Alaska. Self explanatory.

How important are jorts to the beige community? 

The beige community has cut back on our jort consumption to focus our efforts on fatigue shorts & other short pant situations.Our current beige jort ambassador is Terrance Howard.




Crotch Fulla Jorts #11

violet gray
At this bar, there is no doorman. To get in you must correctly guess how many cigarette butts are in this flowerpot.


Stand up comedy is a fickle lover. One night you’re rocking and rolling, opening for a national headlining act, in front of 3000 people and the very next night your performing in a bar basement for a party of one and the waitstaff. Either way, a job is a job, and you gotta make with the funny. In the former scenario the odds are heavily in your favor, however, in the latter, you got some heavy lifting to do. Comedy is a numbers game. It’s easier to make 1:3 laugh than it is to make 1:1 when you’re in front of  a mixed bag of “randos”. Next time you’re at a house party try it out.  Sports are also a numbers game but I don’t know how that works, because, I passively watch the shit in bars, on mute, at open mics, while im waiting to dispense with the yuckles, so I don’t always know what’s going on as there is no voice-over present to explain it, thus.

It’s called a voice-over in sports, right?

Comedy is so tenuous that any misstep usually overshadows any victory, no matter the disparity. One great show will make you feel as though you are standing in the shadows of greatness, ready to feature for Dave Chappelle, while a “not-so-great-show” will have you considering an alternate future in Medical Coding and Billing.

Usually, at a woefully under attended comedy show, the comics objective is to make the bartender laugh. Bartenders never laugh. Maybe they’ve heard your jokes a hundred times before. Maybe they’re too pissed off thinking about all the money they’re not making because fifty per cent of their clientele is onstage talking about airplane peanuts. Or, perhaps, it is because the bartender is only programmed to laugh for tips. Bartenders do not laugh at jokes that aren’t theirs, ever.  I think it’s because they’re always trying to look mysterious and sensual. How you mysterious and you all over Tinder and Bumble snitching on yourself? Stop trying to give me tantric Sting eyes and make my damn Tom Collins, already.

I’ve seen comedian, Violet Gray, in almost every conceivable comedy show iteration and every time she murders. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE MURDERS. I watch Violet perform and think to myself, ” The wrong people are famous.” I was at a show and Violet Gray did 20 clean minutes of A+ material, made everyone Brass Monkeys, and christened a white baby. You know you special when your Black ass out here Christening white babies in a post Obama America.

There was a woman’s only screening of Wonder Woman. How would it affect the zeitgeist if there were a jorts only screening of Thor Ragnarok?

It depends. If people only saw the first screening of Thor in jorts, your average viewer might wonder what’s going on. But if people KEPT seeing Thor in jorts eventually a sort of mob mentality would take over and other people would start doing so too!

Better World Wrestling jort champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin or John Cena? 

I’d have to go with Steve Austin. You definitely show off jorts better because the belt-to-knee area of the body is what’s focused on when you Stun someone. You kick them then you land on you butt while you execute, and the jorts are fully visible throughout the entirety.

stone cold jorts
Stone Cold Steve Austin (R) holding a beer and looking stunning in jorts versus The Rock.

How does Jean short dick bulge affect the integrity of jort culture?

For the most part? Not so much unless you’re packin’. But if you look like you’re smuggling a Maglite people will be more focused on that than the make of your shorts

As a comedian where do you stand on the whole “Don’t wear shorts on stage” rule? Does your style affect your delivery?

It depends on what sort of image you want to project to the audience. If you want to come across as a guy who wears shorts a lot, then it helps to wear shorts. But I’d say my onstage persona affects my style.

How so?

It starts with the core of my personality and radiates outward, the final detail being my outward appearance.

Are jorts a deal breaker or deal maker for you?

Neither. The jorts carry the value their owner fills them with.

Where was the last place you wore jorts and how did it affect you? 

It’d kind of hard to remember, because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t 10 yet. But seeing as that wasn’t the moment I plunged into a life of jort-based crime, I’d have to say it didn’t make or break the moment.

To find out more about Violet Gray and keep up with her busy tour schedule please follow her at Violetsilver on Twitter, Chaoticviolet on Instagram. 






Crotch Fulla Jorts #9

sam jorts
In this edition we rifle through comedian Sam Kelly’s jorts and find out what’s blooming.

“Style  is not lusting after someone because they’re cool 

Style is loving yourself ’till everyone else does too”


In the world of comedy everyone has a day job. Whether you’re a superstar comic, a road comic, and especially when you’re an amateur comedian; you have another job that supplements your income or at the very least keeps you busy and out of trouble. I mean, in the stand-up world you’re only really working thirty minutes to an hour a day. So, yeah, you need to find something constructive to do to occupy your time and stay off the pipe. It’s also conducive to the eternal quest we comics embark upon to become funnier. Picking up writing jobs for sit-coms and late-night t.v; producing and writing a nationally revered podcast about your past demons and present cats, cameos in movies and Law and Order Spin-offs. Voice over work as a cartoon dog. These are some of the more lofty day jobs that correlate with the entertainment field and thus retain an air of glamour. The kind of day jobs that don’t really feel like work, unless you’re Doug Stanhope–that dude hates everything.

Comedians usually mine their own lives for material, so it’s best to be active in the world to keep the jokes refreshing and personal. A jerk off joke is pretty standard fare, but a jerk off joke set in the unisex bathroom at a new finance job is way more scintillating. Also, when you’re a slash bartender, you can easily harass  convince your boss to let you run an open mic and get some practice reps in during Margarita Mondays. I’ve known comics who were ministers, life coaches, chefs, window washers, and personal trainers. I’ve also known comics with far less glamorous yet way more salacious jobs, usually in the sex industry. I’d like to see a stand-up pimp comic. That feels like it would be hella funny. A pimp once came to an open mic I performed at. He called himself, Pimp God. He was sipping cognac from a red Solo cup and kept yelling about how he had never heard of a place called the friend zone. The nigga was wearing five different outfits at once. An applejack hat, Lugz boots, velour track pants, an assortment of dingy gold rings and chains, and a soggy London Fog rain coat. It had not rained that night. This impudent flesh peddler had a small army of wide, square booty bitches, in floral mini dresses, who were comely and smelled like vanilla bean and hair gel. Had we told him what the friend zone was that night, he would’ve no doubt done a spit take of his Hennessy, while cackling with laughter as he called us all a bunch of faggies.

I have a close comedian lady friend. She’s not a square booty bitch–I mean she is, but she doesn’t give up the square butt for bucks– she’s a phone star. A phone star is exactly what it sounds like. She brings men to completion over the telephone. Every once in awhile she calls me. She practices on me. She say’s “Mike, what’s your phone star fantasy?” “Oh, that’s easy: slutty talking animals–hey, it worked for Walt Disney. I wan’t you to make dolphin sounds while I pleasure myself and hum a few bars to “Under The Sea” from The Little Mermaid soundtrack.” My friend, Sam Kelly, is a comedian and phone star, but not the aforementioned square booty phone star from three sentences ago. I know several phone stars, personally; you jelly? You should be. Sam has been doing comedy for about three years and specializes in turn of phrase punch lines, puns, and double entendres. All skills which make her as funny and filthy on stage as they do on land line.

As a phone star, what story does the top left image evoke?

If looks could kill! You don’t want this sultry brunette to shoot you down. If you think she’s going to cock anything but a pistol, she’ll give you one final ‘bang!’ for your buck. She is a revolutionary. Realizing that a firearm is the ultimate equalizer between male and female. Even The Don himself wouldn’t dare grab her by the pussy in those jorts.

Can you share a time you had to make a major decision in jorts?

I was 14 wearing jorts at my best friends house and I had to decide whether I was going to throw up at his house, or on my way home after all the Russian vodka our pubescent livers imbibed.

What did you end up doing?

Throwing up on my walk home because he came out as gay to me and I had a crush on him and it was totally awkward emotionally between us. Then I went home and puked non-stop for an hour and lied to my parents that I got sun poisoning. My jorts were still fresh as fuck though!

Were the jorts handcrafted or off the rack?

Handcrafted fo’ sho’ !

Noice. So you didn’t spew on your jorts then?

Lol. Nope! Surprisingly.

Heading forward, where do you see the future of jorts?

I think jorts can only grow in our society due to global warming threats and crumbling economy, people need to wear less because of heat but can’t afford new clothes, so BOOM! Cutting your own jorts to wear while battling mutants in radioactive heat waves shall be new fashion sensation.

Sam Kelly performs regularly at the Charm City Comedy Project in Hampden. She also hosts her own open mic every second, third, and fourth Tuesday at 1919 Bar on 1919 Fleet St. Fells Point 21231. follow her on facebook for jokes and show updates 

Crotch Fulla Jorts #7

Untitled design (1)
Comedian Maria Sanchez dancing with herself in custom jorts.

“Wearing jean shorts in the year 2017.

That’s a citation.”

-Fandango of WWE tag team The Fashion Police

Comedian Maria Sanchez is a compelling hilarious story teller whose character is big, bawdy, explicit and compassionate. Her persona juxtaposes pure raunchiness with precious benevolence. In one story Ms. Sanchez will claim she’s smoked so much weed that all her lips are black while noting that giving out ice cream pops to the neighborhood youths is what rightly qualifies her as a community activist. Sanchez is a big personality, however she’s relatable and familiar without being banal or fugazy. When she performs I’m reminded of the comedic dexterity of Whoopi Goldberg’s Tony winning Broadway ’85 special. There are generally two kinds of comedians: those who say funny things and those who say things funny. The difference is resonance and since Maria Sanchez skews on the latter side, her comedy is something that keeps you laughing and thinking. Plus she slays in jorts.

When did you first truly feel the magic of jorts? What’s jorts?

Jorts are jeans that you cut into shorts. Jorts is a portmanteau of the words jeans and shorts.  Lol . . . Pahawwww!! In 1993 when Wu Tang was hot. Niggas had mad blunts n forties.

How does wearing jorts give you more life than wearing regular shorts? 
In jean shorts I feel like Pecos Bill, but regular shorts make me feel like the regular pothead I am, especially cargo khakis.
Who would you say gave you the power to just say yes to jorts?
I remember like it was yesterday. I saw TLC video and I told my mom I need these purple baggy jeans for sophomore day at school. She came back with some BOSS jeans! I cried because they weren’t Cross Colors. I went to school and bam, magical; I was TLC: T-Boz!
Have you ever seen someone in jorts looking #gross? What was that like for you? 
Yesss, Ron Jeremy, I remember like it was this morning on Porn Hub. His cheeks were smashed like English muffins. It made me not eat after a “Manny”– Aka woman’s hand job. English muffins are cheeky.
What drug pairs best with jorts?
No drug pairs well but crack to fit in the lil side pocket. Any other drug you can’t find quick enough to dodge the coppers, Jack!
Maria Sanchez can be seen at The 2nd Saturday Shit Show  Ottobar 2549 N Howard St, Baltimore, MD 21218 on April 8th. Free. show at 7:30. 

Crotch Fulla Jorts #5


Comedian, Nicki Fuchs, posted up with what appears to be just two fucks left to give in low rise jorts. Photo courtesy of Matt Baetz. 

Create your own visual style… let it

be unique for yourself and yet identifiable for others.

-Orson Wells

Nicki Fuchs has an invigorating retro Futurist style; equal parts Sailor Moon and Sailor Jerry. She’s psychobilly shangri-la in a city whose idea of style is wearing clothes that may or may not fit, in one tone, which could be best described as, slept in. Nicki’s a comedian who tells jokes with her entire body and uses her features as a prop from her bold expressive eyes to her trademark gap. A hard working comedian, Nicki performs 3-6 nights a week and tells thought provoking, personal, and introspective jokes but is not above getting silly or playing harmonica. This Thursday, Nicki will be a featured comedian performing at the Wings and 1 Liners Comedy Show at Camden Pub. Roll into your weekend with some quality laughs but until then check out what Nicki has to say about jorts.

When was a time where you felt like jorts saved your life?

Haha, hmm.. It probably helped at times to wear jorts. I had a few experiences where they have protected me from predators and creepy dudes trying to be creepy. Also maybe saved my life all those times I decided to go home after wearing jorts because I wanted to change out of them. Haha

Who is your comedy idol and do you think they are a jort supporter?

Joe Rogan is my comedy idol. And he honestly might be..? I know he is an avid fanny pack supporter, which to me is in the same category as jorts.. So it’s possible, but I don’t really know the dude personally to really know.

Should their be a WNBA team that plays in jorts?

No, my experience with Jorts is very restricted. I feel like you need loose fitting clothes to play basketball, Jorts could really cause injury depending on the body type.


Comedian, Nicki Fuchs, is all smiles in jorts, downtown, at the Baltimore Inner Harbor. Photo courtesy of Matt Baetz.

How would you feel if the NBA played a week in Jorts; like, what would that even be like?

Umm.. There would be a lot of sweaty crotches. Possible increase in chafing. Maybe even an increase in groin muscle pulls. But it would look cool, especially if there were matching denim vests. And the denim would have to be shiny. It might be worth it, at that point.

Have you ever seen a pair of jorts . . . On Weed?

Every time I wear a pair of jorts its been on weed, so hell yeah!

How high were those jorts?

Dude those jorts were so fucking high they were riding my damn crotch!!

What projects do you have coming up?

I’m heading to LA in August for a week of booked showcases and some open mics. Doing New York in September.. That’s about it for the moment. Other projects are on hiatus right now so I’m focusing solely on stand up.

Nicki Fuchs can be seen this Thursday at Wings and 1 Liners Comedy Show at Camden Pub 8:30pm 647 w. Pratt st. Baltimore, MD 21201. No Cover. Food and drink specials. 

Crotch Fulla Jorts #3


Leeland Clayton performing stand-up, while sitting down in Jorts, at Monday Night Open Mic Comedy. The Sidebar 218 E Lexington St, Baltimore, MD 21202

Today marks the 13 month anniversary of the day World Champion boxer and Money Team leader, Floyd Mayweather  Jr., wore a daring pair of acid wash cut off jorts, court side to game two of the NBA Finals, between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the eventual Finals Champion Golden State Warriors. Although, “Money” Mayweather was virtually slandered to filth on Twitter, I laud his devil-may-care approach to fashion in the age of self-conscious “who wore it best” couture. He showed up, stood out, and had the most insouciant look of anyone crowing over their popcorn in over-sized California golden yellow and Royal blue s.w.a.g. rags, swag! Mayweather doesn’t care about literacy and he certainly doesn’t give a shit how you feel about him, much like comedian, film auteur, and world traveler, Leeland Clayton. Let me be clear: Leeland does know how to read. I’ve never seen him read, but, I’m sure he knows how to, because he wears glasses, and everyone in glasses definitely knows how to read, or like, what’s the purpose of them wearing glasses?  Leeland’s style of comedy is current, culturally aware, and pulls no punches. At twenty-three he has the precocious ability to tackle sociopolitical issues like, police murdering African-Americans with full on unwavering impunity, #Blacklivesmatter, and the “N”word, all while making you think critically and laugh heartily.

When was a time you felt most powerful in jorts?  

I feel powerful anytime I wear jorts. I feel less confined, less restricted…I feel as though I can kick higher than I actually can. Also, it’s super nice to have my legs out. There’s a power in showing off your legs. I feel like a Summer King.

Have you ever made your own jorts? How would you give instructions on making the perfect pair of jorts?

I ONLY make my own jorts. The best way to get some old longs back in to rotation is to turn them in to shorts. I think the best way to make jorts would be to flip your jeans inside out and put them on. Once you are wearing your inside out jeans mark the spot where you feel comfortable cutting your jeans (use a sharpie or something like it) I generally mark the middle of my knee. Remove the jeans from your body and cut along the line that you marked. Voilà you have jorts! You can fray the ends or you can cuff em. It’s up to you.

You recently went to Ireland. How was your experience and did it change you? How?

I WAS in Ireland! It was dope as fuck! The people there were amazing the land was beautiful. I’m looking to go back soon. Artistically, being in Ireland and becoming more familiar with the issues that they have going on there definitely broadened my world view. Professionally, doors are being opened to a ton of opportunity, nothing is concrete but hopefully I’ll be back in the UK soon on business.

I have a pair of white jeans. How can I rock em’ without looking like a dingy tampon?

Personally I try to stay away from super light colored jeans, like white jeans. However if you are gonna rock some white jeans may I suggest wearing a white linen shirt like Diddy on a beach…or get em super dirty and make a statement.

Keep up with Leeland and all his flaneuring exploits by following / friending him on Facebook:


Wesley Brooks: Yo Funny

Where do jokes come from? Jokes can, and often, come from everywhere. Waiting in line at the bank. Waiting in line at the MVA. Waiting in line for sex. For comedian, Wesley Brooks, jokes seem to  float capriciously from his lips. His jokes are as astute as they are hilarious and are delivered with such bravado that you’d think he’s making them up on the spot–sometimes, he is. Wesley’s style is that of a jovial friend adroit at putting a hilarious spin on the days otherwise mundane trifles. He’s a young, super talented, hungry comic with some of the tightest jokes on the scene. His Facebook statuses are dope, too. I caught up with Young Wes to find out about his comedy motivations, goals, affiliation and what St. Patrick’s Day means to him.

I remember bitches aint want me.

My biggest comedy influence would have to be Kevin Hart. After watching Seriously Funny 1000 times I finally gathered da guts.


My father said don’t quit shit, give em hell.

I have set a variety of goals for my career and it does not include fame and fortune. I just want to reach my peak in this business, as in, I wanna be the best comedian Wesley Brooks can possibly be.

Niggas get a new outfit and rock it that day.

I get a new outfit and don’t rock that bitch for three months.

I thought St. Patrick’s day was just a reason to get drunk out of green cups.

Chase ya dreams, it feels so good. 

After I watched seriously funny, I took to the Internet and met, Henry Jones, one of my best friends and comedian. He let me know I had what it took just from a few minutes of conversation.

 I love performing live it’s nothing like it. Being under those lights in front of those people at that moment in time. I get a rush from the lifestyle.

The YoFunnyTeam consists of a few buddies of mine who I always pitched jokes to and their response would always be “YoFunny!” Once I started stand up, they made it their right to be at every show. People noticed and started calling them the #YoFunnyTeam.

wesley yo funny

It’s crazy cause people seeing you doing good and grinding- change their whole perception of you.

wesley with the ladies

Wesley Brooks can be seen performing this Thursday at Comedy Night at Camden Pub. 647 W. Pratt St. 8:30p. You can follow Wesley on instagram @whenafunnyniggawantyou.  

Food Glorious Food Featuring Ronald James



I’m never hungry, but I’m always ready to eat. I’m also not a very discriminating eater. I’ll eat anything you put in front of me and it doesn’t even have to be based on a dare. I’ve eaten snails in Paris, chitterlings in a church basement, and pigeons in China . . . town. I’m the type of guy where when you’re eating something and it tastes funny and you turn to me and say “This is gross. Try this.” I’m just gonna go ahead and eat it.

I’m a little food savvy. But for the most part I keep it simple yet tasteful. I don’t do McDonald’s; I cook out of boxes more than the dirt. From time to time I been known to bake pies: beans, strawberry, oyster. I’m not an adventurous eater; I’m a gluttonous eater. I’m less a foodie and more a chubby. However, when it comes to epicurian expertise comedian, Ronald James, is a master masticate. His tastes are sensational, unpretentious, and easily accessible. Ronald has fun but he also eats his food with a philosophy.

You flood your timeline with many exotic foods. Would you consider yourself a foodie?

I try not to use the “F-word” too often, in public. In fact, I try to only use it around other “F-bombs”. Yes, I am . . . that. 11934910_937489516309166_506512056_n

What is a foodie?

I once read the quote: “We all eat and it would be a sad waste to eat badly.” on someones Facebook post. The screenwriter Anna Thomas said that. It’s that philosophy personified. Passion for food. Extreme passion for food. I don’t expect any level of expert knowledge from an “F-bomb” but I do expect some good suggestions for dishes from them. That’s the currency!

Please explain this baller ass sushi burrito.


This sushi burrito comes from Shoyou Sushi in Federal Hill. It’s crab meat, shrimp tempura, spicy tuna, avocado wrapped in some sticky rice. Delicious!

Do you cook at home? What’s a simple delicious dish anyone can make at the crib?

I cook at home a couple of times a week. Favorite thing to fix is tuna steak sauteed in onions and mushrooms. I’ll usually saute some spinach in olive oil and lightly salt it for the veggies. If I’m feeling like 2 million dollars in singles I might fix some mashed potatoes. Oddly enough, A1 steak sauce goes really well with tuna steak.

Where are some dope below the radar places to eat in Baltimore?

Tapas Teatro for tapas in Charles North: grilled calamari with a pepperoncini vinaigrette is my absolute favorite! I usually get that with some sauteed spinach. I go once every two weeks. I get the same thing. I’m addicted. Neopol Savory Smokery in Belvedere Sqaure– Smoked everything. Do not sleep! He’s on point about that all smoked everything. Their smoked muscles are $0.75 a piece and I pair a half dozen of them bad boys with everything I eat there. Joann’s Kitchen in Fells Point: cheesesteak subs, great Korean food . . . Bibimbap is amazing! Breakfast is served all day!!!! Food Market in Hampden– Everything is unreal. Brunch served Friday-Sunday. Puerto 511 in Mt Vernon–Ceviche is amazing!

Terra Cafe in Charles Village–Southern comfort food. Venue also does music and poetry stuff! China House in Canton– Best Chinese in the city. If you’re going to eat terribly, eat terribly here. It’s worth triple bypass surgery. Broadway Diner–Diner food done right. Huge portions!


 What are some food spots you looking forward to checking out in 2016?

I have yet to visit Iron Rooster and Gertrude’s. I can’t think of others but there are others. *squints eyes* THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHERS!

How did you develop your unique pallet? 

My pallet is a testament to the diversity of my life circumstances. I have a ton of friends of all ages, races and sizes. The meals that I learn about are things that I’ve picked up along the way. In a way, eating them celebrates my relationships with them. It’s weird.

Chittlings, you ever try em’?  For or Against? 

I became a pescetarian when I was 21 so I eat a lot of vegan, vegetarian, and seafood dishes. However, my family is from the south and prior to 21, I used to have tons of it. Even Chittling sandwiches (heavy on the hot sauce).

What was a food trend in 2015 that got played out?

Brussel sprouts and oysters. Every place that I went to served the two. I hope that either don’t get “played out” per-se but a terrible version of one of those can ruin your day.


 What’s an under appreciated food stuff?

Grits. I love grits. Spinach. I love spinach.

Ronald can be seen Mondays at Side Bar Open Mic Comedy Night. 218 E Lexington St, Baltimore, MD 21202. Ronald can also be seen featuring at Camden Pub Comedy Night this Thursday Jan. 28th. No cover. 647 w Pratt St. Baltimore, MD. 8:30p. All photos courtesy of Ronald James from his account 







Blog at

Up ↑