“Guys will take one pair of jeans, five t-shirts
and three pair of socks
and that will get you by for ten weeks.”
-John Bon Jovi
Yesterday a woman was walking so hard and fast behind me on the sidewalk, in Fed Hill, that the incessant clicking of her heels on the cobblestone made my neck and arm hairs bristle. The pace and intensity of her walk made me suspect that perhaps, she was, or, we were being aggressively pursued by a heavy set, peg leg, Adderall induced flesh peddler, looking to replenish his underground sex slave roster. I felt at any moment this amateur speed walker’s gait would feverishly prevail my course, and influence my loss of balance. She might, with her incessant force of will, stir up a gust of wind so violent that it would thrust me unwittingly into oncoming, two-way, a.m. traffic. The thought of my impalement via 2010 Chrysler Sebring stirred in me a deft panic. I had to get away from this woman and the tremulous path she beset upon us, that morning, on Light St. I ran. Only stopping once I reached the corner where my gym was about a quarter mile out from where I started my impromptu jog. Deterred, yet still standing, I filed my coat and sundries into the locker and changed into my workout gear, chest still throbbing through my vintage Charlotte Hornets t-shirt. Once I reached the weight room I glanced an older gentleman doing dumbbell raises in reading glasses, off white wife beater (with black suspenders), black off brand trainers, and a pair of frayed homemade Arizona brand jorts. My heartbeat instantly regulated. I unfurled my brow for the first time since leaving the house and it was at that moment a sense of peace washed over me in an awesome wave.
Comedian Kevin Tit is based out of D.C. and is a super chill comic and musician. He’s a refreshing add to any line up and a great get. CFJ hung out with Kevin and asked the hard questions.
Who is someone in politics who could benefit from a good jorts makeover?
No clue. At all. None.
Who’s your jean short Champion of Courage?
The Texas Rattlesnake. Stone Cold Steve Austin. 3:16.
What has been your greatest achievement in jorts thus far?
Simultaneously being roasted for the $8 SEARS above the knee, hemmed, “Dad” jean short and making them fashionable among my peers. (I still have those Jorts but they’re completely out of commission)
What contributions did Tobias Funke makes to the integrity of jeans shorts?
Tobias took the surface level appeal of jean shorts and made everyone whose ever had an opinion on them take a step back and really reflect on themselves.
Vikki Vicars was the first female to skate vert in 1978 and she did it in jorts.
Cos she rips! Its a good look for the movement!
The jorts movement or the vert movement?
Hell yeah!
MICSMIF 
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