violet gray
At this bar, there is no doorman. To get in you must correctly guess how many cigarette butts are in this flowerpot.

 

Stand up comedy is a fickle lover. One night you’re rocking and rolling, opening for a national headlining act, in front of 3000 people and the very next night your performing in a bar basement for a party of one and the waitstaff. Either way, a job is a job, and you gotta make with the funny. In the former scenario the odds are heavily in your favor, however, in the latter, you got some heavy lifting to do. Comedy is a numbers game. It’s easier to make 1:3 laugh than it is to make 1:1 when you’re in front of  a mixed bag of “randos”. Next time you’re at a house party try it out.  Sports are also a numbers game but I don’t know how that works, because, I passively watch the shit in bars, on mute, at open mics, while im waiting to dispense with the yuckles, so I don’t always know what’s going on as there is no voice-over present to explain it, thus.

It’s called a voice-over in sports, right?

Comedy is so tenuous that any misstep usually overshadows any victory, no matter the disparity. One great show will make you feel as though you are standing in the shadows of greatness, ready to feature for Dave Chappelle, while a “not-so-great-show” will have you considering an alternate future in Medical Coding and Billing.

Usually, at a woefully under attended comedy show, the comics objective is to make the bartender laugh. Bartenders never laugh. Maybe they’ve heard your jokes a hundred times before. Maybe they’re too pissed off thinking about all the money they’re not making because fifty per cent of their clientele is onstage talking about airplane peanuts. Or, perhaps, it is because the bartender is only programmed to laugh for tips. Bartenders do not laugh at jokes that aren’t theirs, ever.  I think it’s because they’re always trying to look mysterious and sensual. How you mysterious and you all over Tinder and Bumble snitching on yourself? Stop trying to give me tantric Sting eyes and make my damn Tom Collins, already.

I’ve seen comedian, Violet Gray, in almost every conceivable comedy show iteration and every time she murders. EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE MURDERS. I watch Violet perform and think to myself, ” The wrong people are famous.” I was at a show and Violet Gray did 20 clean minutes of A+ material, made everyone Brass Monkeys, and christened a white baby. You know you special when your Black ass out here Christening white babies in a post Obama America.

There was a woman’s only screening of Wonder Woman. How would it affect the zeitgeist if there were a jorts only screening of Thor Ragnarok?

It depends. If people only saw the first screening of Thor in jorts, your average viewer might wonder what’s going on. But if people KEPT seeing Thor in jorts eventually a sort of mob mentality would take over and other people would start doing so too!

Better World Wrestling jort champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin or John Cena? 

I’d have to go with Steve Austin. You definitely show off jorts better because the belt-to-knee area of the body is what’s focused on when you Stun someone. You kick them then you land on you butt while you execute, and the jorts are fully visible throughout the entirety.

stone cold jorts
Stone Cold Steve Austin (R) holding a beer and looking stunning in jorts versus The Rock.

How does Jean short dick bulge affect the integrity of jort culture?

For the most part? Not so much unless you’re packin’. But if you look like you’re smuggling a Maglite people will be more focused on that than the make of your shorts

As a comedian where do you stand on the whole “Don’t wear shorts on stage” rule? Does your style affect your delivery?

It depends on what sort of image you want to project to the audience. If you want to come across as a guy who wears shorts a lot, then it helps to wear shorts. But I’d say my onstage persona affects my style.

How so?

It starts with the core of my personality and radiates outward, the final detail being my outward appearance.

Are jorts a deal breaker or deal maker for you?

Neither. The jorts carry the value their owner fills them with.

Where was the last place you wore jorts and how did it affect you? 

It’d kind of hard to remember, because I’m pretty sure I wasn’t 10 yet. But seeing as that wasn’t the moment I plunged into a life of jort-based crime, I’d have to say it didn’t make or break the moment.

To find out more about Violet Gray and keep up with her busy tour schedule please follow her at Violetsilver on Twitter, Chaoticviolet on Instagram. 

 

 

 

 

 

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